


bitter end

by clayisforgirls



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clayisforgirls/pseuds/clayisforgirls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"if he thinks about that one stupid mistake, he knows that he won't be able to walk away until Andy's forgiven him"</p><p>Originally posted in August 2006.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bitter end

The silence is killing him, toe scuffing at the plush carpet near to the doorframe, eyes looking anywhere but the man who used to be his everything. The man who's currently in front of him, and he can feel Andy's watching him. It only makes him fidget more, it always has done, and he wonders if Andy's using it to try and unsettle him.

If he is, it's working.

Mardy isn't entirely sure how long he's been standing here, but it feels like a lifetime. A lot longer than he thought he would be, had visions of Andy kissing him, fucking him, smiling and telling him that he'd always love him, just like it used to be. Just like it should be now, because he's seen Andy these last few months. He's been almost lost without Mardy, something he's admitted in his weakest moments, after matches he should have won to anyone that would listen.

And it's strange to think that these last few months, he hasn't been Andy's shoulder to lean on, and there's a twinge of guilt, because he knows it's his own fault. Which is why he can't understand Andy's seeming hesitancy, when he's been the one almost begging.

Hazel eyes meet his for one second, and he looks away before Andy can read his eyes. It's something that Andy's so good at, years of reading him makes him a pro at it, but right now, it's something he can do without, and hands twist together as he speaks again.

"Andy?" he asks quietly, and this time, it's him that looks over to Andy, eyes meeting on his terms, and he's hidden everything he can behind a blank mask, one he's perfected since Andy walked in on-

And that's stopping right there, because if he thinks about that one stupid mistake, he knows that he won't be able to walk away until Andy's forgiven him tonight. Can't even bear to think that Andy's still mad, because Andy doesn't get mad at him, not since they first met. Not since they were kids and they argued over which side of the court they stood on as they practised together.

"Mar... I..." Andy starts softly, resting against the doorframe, shutting his eyes before he carries on. "I can't."

It's not the answer he was expecting, not even close to it, and his own eyes fly open in shock, and as he looks at Andy, takes in the dark circles under his eyes, the tired expression, the lifeless pose, he can't help himself as he rests his hand over Andy's gently, only getting a weary smile.

"I love you, Andy, I-"

"It's not enough," and within seconds Andy's pulled away, safely into his room, and they've been friends for years but even he doesn't want to cross that line, knows enough about Andy to know when to stop pushing him. Andy doesn't retreat, he fights until the end, his Andy always has done. He never quits, not until he gets what he wants.

Except, this Andy isn't his anymore. Not since that night when Andy had walked out, driven off without a word. Since he wouldn't return a call for weeks, had flown to Europe and immersed himself in tennis until he couldn't avoid it anymore. Until he'd gone to Texas and Andy had kicked him out, yelling at him, his brother hovering in the background clearly there to keep an eye on Andy.

He'd left, though he didn't want to, not with Andy in that state, something raw in his eyes that he'd never seen before, and it had scared him more than a little.

"I love you, Mar," the voice comes from the near darkness, Mardy barely able to make out more than a shadow, "but I'm not letting you do this again. Not now."

All at once it feels like the air's been sucked out of the room, he knows now. Knows that James was just a mistake, that it's Andy he wants, because living without Andy hurts in ways he shouldn't have thought was possible, but it does. And they've been together so long, been through everything, that losing him now, over this, it doesn't seem right.

"I'll do anything, Andy, just please, give me a chance, I... I won't do it again. Please, Andy, I'll make it up to you, I pro-" and he's so close to begging, to getting down on his knees, wrapping his arms around strong, familiar legs and never letting go, but he's interrupted.

"You can't. There's nothing... just go, Mardy."

Eyes look darker in the shadows, but he can still see the rawness in them, the pain, the fact that it's killing Andy to do this, to send him away again. Almost doesn't have the heart to try again but he can't just leave it like this, the bitterness is going to tear them apart, and he doesn't know if he can remember how to live without Andy in his life at all. He's relied on him for so long for everything, and he isn't sure he can do it alone.

"What do you mean, alone?" Andy says, bitterly, and it's only then he realises he was speaking out loud; blush staining his cheeks before he can push it away. "You've got James."

"He's, he's not you," and he ducks his head, shuffling his feet, picking at the corner of his t-shirt because he didn't mean to say that, never meant for Andy to see so much.

"You should have thought of that before you fucked him," and he flinches as the door slams in his face, can barely hear the yelled "fuck off, Mardy" through the thick wood.

And all he feels now is numb, no sadness, no pain, no nothing. Just numb. Because he thinks he's fucked up the best thing he ever had, and he doesn't know how to repair it.

He doesn't want to think that maybe that was his last chance.


End file.
